Nobody should be pushing you to do anything sexual with anyone else if you are not ready and especially since you have made it clear you don't want to. It's your body, you choose who to be sexual with - no one else has that right, whether you are engaged or married or not.
And NO, polyamory is not simply threesomes and group sex. Poly is about having multiple love relationships, and many poly people never have group sex. J suddenly seems to have become very focused on sex acts -- which makes me wonder what happened to head him in that direction if that wasn't an interest before -- but group sex is just group sex, it's not poly and not automatically what poly people do! A poly relationship just means that a person has more than one partner, but what's important about the word "polyamory" is the "amor" part -- it's all about the love and being loving, not having as much group sex as possible!
I think J is being completely unreasonable and well, very creepy, and so it looks to me like walking away from the relationship is a healthy thing to do for yourself right now, though of course it will hurt after investing so much into it for years. Good for you for looking out for you, stating your position clearly and taking a stance.
Is A a man or woman? Just want to get clear on who's who.
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Last edited by nycindie; 03-28-2013 at 07:54 AM.