Am I opposed to poly or just the idea/practice or threesomes moresomes, or both?
Sounds to me like you are opposed to J pushing things on you or rushing you into things that you do not want for yourself at this time. You state it several times that this is the problem. His pushy pushy.
You want to determine your behaviors YOURSELF. YOU choose. Who, what, when, where, how and why. Not him.
J was pushing A also -- J doesn't seem to understand that while J might be ready to jump in, other people are not. It's not all about his jollies here. Why does J treat other people like toy things and not people
with a will of their own? So weird. Kinda creepy too.
I'd tread with caution there. Maybe you are open to threesomes and polyshipping -- but not with J.
So best to just say NO. No threesomes. No polyshipping. Stop pushing me. Not gonna happen. You already said that. Look:
I had to give him the ultimatum of exclusive or break up. I do not like having to do that but the pain/stress was just too much for me.
Does he respect your limit? Nope. Look at the behavior he chooses:
PROBLEM: Recently J brought up wishing to try again with having an open relationship with another.
Your move now.
You gave a limit. He chose to push again and not respect your limit. You gonna uphold the consequence and break up?
YOU could honor your own limit of tolerance for all this stress and pushy pushy and break up.
Save yourself future drama with this person.
Breaking up stinks, but if preserving your long term sanity and best healths means going through some short term break up suckage -- maybe that's the choice that stinks least in this whole scenario? To be free of the stress and drama crazy?
How are you feeling about it?