THANK YOU nycindie and JaneQSmythe for sharing your personal perspectives. I often write when my moods are tumultuous. Usually I keep this writing to myself or share with only one or two people. Mostly this is because my perspective can be wildly misleading at such times - a speck is a mountain, a shadow is eternal night - and I am at once expressing those surging emotions as well as trying to unpack what's triggering me. The mess of it can come out, in writing, as overly dramatic (I think). As if my whole world actually revolves around this issue. But anyway, I'm glad this time that I vented on my blog here because both of your stories have helped me clear pathways through the shrubbery of what I am experiencing.
I had a great trip away with Ocean, the last few days. We both needed it, individually and as a couple. He unfortunately had a tense situation with Menrva just before we left, which coloured the holiday a bit. Not much, but he was a little strained from it. They only managed to sort things out once we got back into town yesterday. Poly makes for some inconvenient timing sometimes. You need the ability to be patient, strategies to put off, as painlessly as possible, dealing with things, until you can. Holding patterns.
Re: sex with Ocean, I had to get honest with what I wanted. I wanted to want him like I used to. I wanted him to want me. I wanted us to make fireworks in bed, have to drag ourselves away to daily tasks. Not the other way round, not sex being a task we have to complete so we can feed crumbs to our skeletal libidos.
Trying to feel desire that you don't feel is, to me, a foolhardy goal. It was easier for me to resent Ocean's frequent lack of desire for me than admit my frequent lack of desire for him.
Surely I couldn't be the problem - I love sex! I'm having heaps of it. When the other person really wants me, I'm on fire. It must be something about him not wanting me enough. (These weren't my actual thoughts, but it was how I seem to have been unconsciously framing the issue to myself.)
A change of perspective (similar to JaneQSmyth's) is really helping me.
Ocean and I talked about being more at peace with the way we're intimate at the moment. We made a commitment to being as open and generous as possible, if one of us is in the mood. And to be upfront and direct about our desires.
So yes. Pouncing will happen.
And yes. What we have is so good, most definitely enough.