Thank you both, Nadya and turtleHeart, for the replies.
Nadya, how has CJ been able to adjust? I think my wife would be able to as I've made no secret of what I'm doing. I've told her about everything from the beginning if I thought it was relevant. Even some of the stuff that hasn't been relevant (probably too much, but she's awesome and least pretends to listen attentively). The only time she got bothered was when I was moping like a teenage girl in a very early online relationship.
Things seem to be ok, but I have been avoiding the issue with the wife. Even though I will pursue it, it has to be relaxed and comfortable. I'm not going to badger or beg.
I did give her a way to relate, I think, and it seems a useful construct. I have a bucket that's full of love that I need to get rid of. I give as much as my can to my wife. While she accepts it, mine constantly refills. When she's full to the brim and overflowing, it's just all wasted, and I don't get a return. That's why I need T. I've got all this extra love that I have to give out and she can accept it. I'd rather give to the wife, but she can only receive what she can recieve no matter how much she'd like to accomodate me or how much she tries. Once she reaches her limit of attention, it becomes work, not love.
Then it's just a matter of the different forms of love (touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time - if you're a subscriber to the 5 love languages as I am), and I want to be able to touch T, since all the others have been used so well.