I'm in the same situation. I lurk along with a few of the BDSM groups in my area on FetLife, most of them host munches and play parties... and it often feels like the discussion online is often about play party activities, so I know I feel intimidated to check out a munch because I'm not interested in doing any play that isn't totally private.
I went to a munch last night that involved many people from FetLife. I've also said BDSM isn't exactly my thing so I was a little worried I'd be uncomfortable.
In fact, I almost have the opposite impression of what you're afraid of. There was almost NO discussion of BDSM or sex. I actually find it a little weird how compartmentalized it felt, honestly. Not weird in a bad sense but in a "that's odd, I'd have expected more".
I strongly invite you to check out a non-play munch (and they will be CLEARLY defined) if you're interested in exploring the BDSM community. I met a lot of really cool people last night, and even if I'm not looking for play and partners, mingling with folks who are in a niche community (a community none-the-less) and more sexually open was a very pleasant, tasteful and safe experience.