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Old 03-27-2013, 07:13 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
I had to smile at somebody talking about marriage in such negative terms while wholeheartedly, it seems to me, embracing a relationship that embodies one of the things that I see as making marriage a rather unethical pursuit.

One of my moral problems with marriage is the notion that generally speaking one man gives the woman to another man. Sometimes now the woman gives herself away - something that I find utterly bizarre. Bad enough to be given away by somebody else. Maybe then you could claim coercion but to give yourself to somebody like you are property seems utterly odd to me.
Marriage has changed. We're so far beyond "marriage is changing" that it deserves the past tense.

I accept that it's not for everyone. I have no problems with marriage being against your own personal moral code, i.e. something that you do not feel is right for you. If you even want to be judgemental about people with different life choices than your own, that's fine too. But please realize that telling me I must not marry makes you just as bad as the patriarchal father who tells me I must. It means that you're giving yourself the ability to choose what is and is not allowed for me. Thank you very much for your concern, but you are not my owner.

Ultimately, it's about choice. I chose marriage on my own terms. I'm the one who proposed. Nobody gave me away, least of all myself. I am still every bit as much "my own" as I was the day I was born. Mine is not a 15th century betrothal. I was not exchanged for a herd of cattle. I chose to become married, and I can choose to stop being married any time I want. It just so happens that I'm rather fond of the situation and I choose to remain in it.

And yet - the author of this article firmly describes herself (or at least parts of herself) as being owned by a man. The idea of having to ask somebody else for permission to touch myself makes me feel fairly sick.
At least this time, you spoke in the first person: The idea of you having to ask permission to touch yourself makes you sick.

However, that doesn't mask the disdain you clearly feel for her choice. She's in a power exchange relationship because she chose to be. She chooses to ask permission to touch herself because it excites her (or whatever her reason for choosing a submissive role in her current relationship).

The significant point is she CHOSE it. Her father did not give her to her partner. She gave herself. And she can un-give herself any time she chooses. Such is the nature of BDSM. It's all consensual. Not your bag of tea? That's perfectly fine.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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