At the end of my rope
Yet another negative, help-me post...but I really don't know what to do.
My partner of nearly two years has shattered my trust more than once in the last few months. He has broken agreed-upon boundaries, said he learned from it, and then turned around and did it all again.
I think he resents me, though my boundaries when it come to health and safety have always been clear and well-communicated; I feel that if he had a problem with this, he should have stated it and/or broken up with me. This last time, he was angry with me, called me and was verbally abusive and very cruel. This lasted for more than a month, when every time we communicated, he called me names and was extraordinarily cruel to me.
That has since stopped, for the most part, but more recently he received unprotected oral sex from someone who carries HSV, and then was intimate with me without warning me of it first. I feel that this is an incredible violation. I have trusted and been vulnerable to him, and this is utterly unconscionable.
Since then, he has wavered between remorse and fury when it comes to this. He has said that he understands my point of view but that it does not make his any less valid. He tells me that he "fell for" the person who he received unprotected oral sex from, and wasn't aware that HSV/cold sores and herpes were the same thing. He says that she didn't know that either (which I find incredibly difficult to believe.)
I feel like the person I've known for years (and been in a relationship with for almost two of them) has changed completely. I am feeling lost and confused and very, very sad. I'm also enraged that he would put my health at risk that way.
We haven't seen each other in weeks. We have hardly spoken since then; the last time we talked on the phone I ended up crying so much that I was incoherent and then vomiting afterward because I was so upset.
I am sad and frightened and just shocked that he is behaving this way, that he would take these sorts of risks, and behave this way toward me. I don't know who he is anymore. I can't believe that the person I have loved so much doesn't seem to exist anymore. I am still worried about him and his health and safety.
What would you do? Some of the closest people in my life have called his behavior abusive, and I am struggling with that. I just can't seem to think clearly. Tonight, I've been crying so much that I can hardly open my eyes.