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Old 03-27-2013, 01:08 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by crisplove View Post
Loving Radiance, my first question would be, how do I introduce him in my world?
Originally Posted by crisplove View Post
That would be simple if we were in a poly world.

None of us are ready to be introduced that way. He isn't "out" to his friends.

So, is there a step before the introduction?
Oh, ok... so your first question isn't "How do I introduce him to my friends," it's "How do I out him to my friends?"

Because if he's not out and he does not want to be out, and you know that your friends are going to see him with his girlfriend eventually, then you basically can't tell your friends that he's your boyfriend. Since you describe yourself as living in a non-poly world, that means they'll assume he's cheating on one or both of you.

So the first thing is, you ask him if he minds you telling your friends he's poly. If he says he minds, then you need to decide how you feel about that arrangement. Are you comfortable being his "dirty little secret?"

Suppose you're at that party you mentioned. Do you mind that he will friend-zone you for the entire night, so that his other friends don't figure him out? Are these things you can live with in a relationship? Some people can. Personally, I can't. Your usage of "left me hanging" suggests you can't, either.

One thing to note: coming out to your friends will entail coming out to his friends, since you seem to have overlapping social circles. People love to talk, and this kind of gossip is way too juicy to stay hidden for long. He's much better off telling his friends himself than letting them find out through the grapevine. Not only will the gossip-route lose all the "important" details, but his friends may feel betrayed that he didn't feel he could tell them.

She wants to get married and in some conversations we've had has mentioned that this is just sex. And I am brand new to ALL of this.
How do you feel about that? Do you want a relationship with him that is described as "just sex?" If that's not what you really want, then the three of you have some talking to do. What do you envision getting out of this relationship? What are her boundaries in her own relationship? What does your boyfriend want? What compromises are they willing to make?
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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