Still have not had "the communication talk" with all of us together. Sunshine asked me to delay. Then my divorce got uglier as the court hearing came & went. (I'm to the point of having a chaperone when I do have to see the ex, due to fear). And then partner's wife's main local boyfriend unexpectedly took off so she was in an emotional spot.. the BF was supposed to come home after a couple weeks but it keeps getting delayed and now been months, so who knows when or if he will be back.
Feeling my hands were tied REALLY was getting to me.
I did message her with an offer to get her out to a social event (without me there) so the sadness of the way the BF was treating her could be eased at least for an evening - she declined. And in the same message I did let her know that having the discussion about us all learning to communicate was still a priority to me and that I would be bringing it to the table as soon as our man gives the go-ahead. That did reduce my stress quite a bit, feeling that I was not just sitting with my head in the sand.
One tool I have found immensely helpful is a book
Why Can't You Read My Mind? Overcoming the 9 Toxic Thought Patterns that Get in the Way of a Loving Relationship
When stuff bugs me, I tend to find more & more reasons to confirm my fears. The tools it shares help remind me to seek out instances and evidence contrary to my fears so I can see the issues from a more balanced perspective.
It is so good, I'm considering buying it in bulk for my Christmas gift giving this year.