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Old 03-25-2013, 10:54 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Updates on the major players.

Gia: She and Eric fought about Helen again over the weekend. Basically, she was feeling a bit neglected by him, and then found some sexy texts he'd sent Helen and took it very poorly. She feels like he just refuses to hear her when she tells him what she needs to feel valued, and like he's no good at balancing where and how he directs his energy.

I have no idea who's right or wrong in this situation, so I'm staying out of it unless someone asks for my advice (and I wouldn't know what to say even then, tbh). She told me that he has "one more chance". Ugh, not a pleasant thing to hear, for so many reasons... I hate the idea of veto power in any situation, I hate the idea of Eric and Helen (especially Helen) getting hurt, I hate the idea that their marriage will suffer if she pushes him to drop someone he cares about (and might even love), I hate the idea that it might make him begin to get jealous of my relationship with Gia for the first time ever. I just hate everything about it.

Unrelatedly (presumably), she recently went back on hormonal birth control, and found that her sexual interest in women began to climb almost right away. I'm excited in an abstract way, if that makes any sense. I think she'll have to make a move on me before it feels real. I'm sure that part of the fact that I'm not over the moon at this news is from still being distracted by having a new outlet for my love and lust and submission.

It's been SO long since her hormones were last in a place that made it feel like she really felt lust for me. Back then, we didn't have the emotional connection we have now, so in a way this is uncharted territory. A part of me resents the idea that her sexual interest in me comes from a pill, but I'm hardly going to complain. She can't help it... in fact she's hated the ways things have been. AND, she's loved me throughout, which is without a doubt what matters most.

We're hanging out tonight, and we have a date on Saturday, both of which should be very nice.

Clay: Last night, I sent him some days I was free to hang this coming week. Today, he reluctantly explained that he's got a bunch of events coming up that he has various responsibilities for, and is also trying to make sure he makes time for his other partners. I told him that that was totally, totally cool, and that I wouldn't be hurt by a bit of a break. He thanked me for that, said that it would only be the case if it were a necessity, and said he'd check back in.

I know that I'm feeling the NRE much less -- I no longer feel like I might forget my address and stumble into a wall while thinking about his hands -- and I imagine it's much the same for him. Between that and the fact that I'm feeling a bit polysaturated at 2.5 partners and he now has 4, I truly don't begrudge the thought of a necessary gap in seeing each other. We're both busy poly people, of course it's going to be like this, I totally accept that.

Which isn't to say that I don't miss him -- gosh, it would be nice to kiss his face and touch his hair -- or that I'm entirely free from worry.

What's there to worry about? It's obvious, I suppose. This is still so new. While it may feel like I know him on this deep level, and while I may have a deep faith in him as a human being for a great number of reasons, I'm still of the belief that you just can't know someone *that* well after only two weeks of association. I'm still expecting him to surprise me... hopefully in good ways, but maybe in some bad ways, or just in some strange ways.

If this were a relationship that had developed at a normal pace, expecting him to surprise me wouldn't be such a big deal because I wouldn't already be so very emotionally invested. As it is, I feel like I need to see him again and again and again, need to talk to him again and again and again, need to do a lot more exploration of our D/s dynamic, before I'll be able to fully relax and feel as safe with this in my head as I do in my heart.

Walking at lunchtime today, I imagined him telling me sadly that it turns out that he just doesn't have time for us, that we can't do this after all. Tears immediately appeared in my eyes. Why do I always gotta torture myself, I swear.

The next few weeks should be very interesting.

Davis: Last night he called in a half an hour. I'll explain.

We've been playing a game where we make little bets with each other. Things like "Will person A or person B win the Oscar? I'll bet you 10 minutes person A gets it," or "Will we make it to the event on time at this rate or will we be late? I'll bet you 15 minutes we're gonna be late." The idea is that we then stockpile the time and use it in fun, playful ways to get our way. For example "Oh, you don't wanna see this cheesy movie with me? Hmmmm, maybe I'll use two hours and then you'll have to!"

Neither of us had actually used any time yet. He had a very busy, physically demanding day yesterday playing sports with friends (hanging out with friends and being active, thank god!!!), and as a result he was sore all over. He asked me if I'd mind him using 30 of his minutes for a backrub, and I said that would be just fine. It was a good chance to reconnect in a way that was pleasant for both of us. He spent the night. I always sleep well when I sleep next to him.

Annabel: I'm getting an IUD put in on Thursday, so that's exciting and only slightly scary.

My life has been very busy and very exciting lately, as you all may have noticed. I love having a safe, private space here in which to talk it all out. I need to make sure I'm keeping up with things like laundry, sufficient sleep, and pursuing other life goals.

Thanks for coming along for the journey with me, you guys.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 03-26-2013 at 05:49 AM.
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