They do NOT deserve to be judged and alienated out of the community before they arrive by being labeled as pariahs with this kind of self-sucking lollipop "definition" by a bunch of people who've never actually walked the same path, and have no business judging them for it.
Good lord, Yes. A warning bell start going off when I hear people use terms like "poly-normativity" and "hierarchy". Everyone is finding their own path, and has the right to make mistakes, be human, find the path that works best for them, and work towards doing 'poly' with as much integrity, honesty and respect as possible. I have watched horrific behaviour coming from "single-ish" people, and it's downplayed in comparison to those operating within a couple or using any kind of model involving hierarchy. This strikes me as a double standard that makes zero sense to me - it's okay to make mistakes if you're on your own, but in a couple "doing hierarchy" all of sudden you're classified in a different way.