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Old 03-25-2013, 05:47 PM
bextra bextra is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
Default Newbie to all of this

So my husband (5 years), K and I have talked about having lifestyle where others would be involved since we started dating. I was not ok with it originally, but over the years became ok with the idea. We started by talking about swinging and had a threesome once with a female, but could never find the right couples to try swapping. K works out of town every other week(plus overtime sometimes), so we started experimenting with meeting up with people separately while he was out of town. He was never able to find anyone he was interested in, but then moved jobs to another state, and almost immediately met a girl, A that he had an instant connection with. I am pregnant, and thought that we would not be seeing anyone else while I was pregnant, but it was never discussed. when we talked about seeing other people, it was discussed that they would be casual sex partners. It was never stated that they would not be full relationships with other people, but that was my impression. He asked me for permission to start hanging out with A to see what happened with the hope that there would be sex. In the space of about 3 weeks, they were so caught up in the NRE that they began using love to describe their feelings. She was seeing someone else, but has since ended that saying that she loves K so much she wants to be with only him, and wishes that she had him all to herself.

I meanwhile do not have a relationship on the side. I have a fwb situation that will never be an emotional relationship. I have also had a very hard time dealing with jealousy, insecurities, paranoia. I fully admit, I have not been dealing with my feelings well, and it has caused many fights and problems. K is sometimes understanding, and other times is not. I feel a little blindsided that it has evolved into a poly relationship, which is not somewhere I ever thought we would be. I am working on my own issues and trying to be able to accept all that is going on. Meanwhile, I am pregnant and home alone most of the time, raising our 3 other kids (1 bio, 2 full time step) while K is off working and spending almost every moment he is not working with A. It has been 2 months now, and they have admitted they love each other. But I have been having a hard time accepting that, as I never thought it would be a place we were in where he loved another woman. He does tell me that he loves me more than her, but does not act that way when he talks to me or is around me. I just need help trying to accept this new lifestyle and all the accompanying feelings. Thanks!
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