So there we were smack dab in the middle of…in the middle of…ummm. I couldn’t tell you. Giggles began messaging me on Monday and we started talking. I don’t remember a lot of what was said just mainly both of us going “I never this” or “I never that”. I’m a little foggy on most of this because it was just talk, normal getting to know someone type of talk. Nails and I talked and it I know we got pretty deep. I couldn’t tell him what I wanted from all of this but I knew I needed to take it slow. He said he understood. We invited Giggles out on Saturday to come to one of Nail’s shows with us and stay at the house. It was one of the rare weekends where he only plays Saturday and not both Friday and Saturday. Seemed easy enough, taking things slow right? I had said she could sleep in one of the kid’s rooms or the couch but I didn’t want to make it about sex because well…I just didn’t know.
I explained to Giggles that I had planned on spending Friday night working on classes but she was free to come out as early as she would like on Saturday. I settled at my desk to work on homework and my dad and brother showed up unannounced for beers, followed not too much later by a few of Nail’s friends and the next thing you know it’s a party. I am the queen of guilt and even though I hadn’t lied to Giggles I felt like if I didn’t invite her out as well that I was being dishonest somehow…Listen I never said my mind wasn’t warped. Anyway, I called Giggles explained the night had turned into a party and if she wanted to she could go ahead and come over a night early. She agreed.
My dad and brother had been at the bar the night things had started with Giggles so they were already aware of the situation and Nails’ friends are pretty open minded so I thought it would all be fine. I made the mistake however of not taking drunken Nails into consideration. My big hang up with having her sleep in our room that weekend was because my kids were home. I just wasn’t ready for that talk, especially not even knowing myself what that talk should be.
At one point after Giggles arrived she disappeared into the house, Nails started asking me if she could stay in the room. My response was acid laced glares that would normally make a grown man shake in his boots…drunken Nails however is immune. I tried another approach as he asked again, stating I didn’t want that with the kids home. He being Nails said our kids are open minded and they just wouldn’t give a shit, besides they’re boys. I just continued to glare. So he took it upon himself to call Stitch(16) downstairs and the conversation went something like this.
Nails: “Hey Stitch…Becky is mom’s girlfriend, are you ok with that?”
Stitch: -blink blink- “Um I don’t care.” –blink blink-
Nails: -looks at me- “See told you he doesn’t care if she sleeps in the room!”
And then Stitch made and exit as fast as his feet could carry him.
There I was with my back against the wall and I gave in. I’m weak I can’t lie. I have a hard time telling Nails no. So Giggles came to our room. Side note I had made a few rules the week before this all started and really there were only two. One they could not actually have sex until Giggles got herself on birth control. (I am super paranoid about condoms, my oldest son is what I affectionately call “Rubber Made”). Two was that they could not be alone together. (still a rule that I am enforcing for my own comfort, selfish of me? Perhaps but it’s my rule.)
Anyway, so we fooled around and it was at first ok but then it all just went nuts. Giggles and I were both very unsure what to do with each other so right or wrong I let Nails take the lead. I was very aware of my kids down the hall and as much as I tried it was hard to put my head full in it. Most of Nails attention was placed on Giggles and less on me. It was something I had tried to prepare myself for. I mean he has me all week, hell he’s had just me the last 17 years of course he would rather focus on the new toy.
I kept my mouth focused on hers and tried not to think to much about what he was doing with her or how long he was doing it. I then decided to shift my attention to Nails and much to my heartbreak, he physically pushed my head away from him as I tried to please him orally. I was stunned and for a minute thought maybe I had hurt him or something, I mean he’d never done that before if anything he begs for it. Then he shifted himself away from me and drew his attention even more into her. I was mortified. Every fear I had about them was playing out in front of me and I didn’t want to watch any more so I got up and I left.
I went into the bathroom in the hall rather then our master because I needed away from them. I didn’t want to hear if they stopped, I didn’t want to know anything. I hadn’t been drinking and the two of them were pretty drunk. I was a little surprised that it didn’t take Nails very long to be knocking on the bathroom door asking if I was ok. I assured him that I was and didn’t elaborate. That pretty much brought the nights activities to an end and when I came back in the room the two of them were on opposite sides of the bed with the space in the middle opened up for me. I crawled in and kept my mouth shut, I didn’t sleep at all that night…actually in the beginning, I didn’t sleep at all most of the nights we were all first together. Was I paranoid? Maybe but my gut kept telling me something wasn’t right.