Originally Posted by Ceoli
Asking for a person to be more specific in what they are referring to in a discussion is not expecting them to automatically adapt their frame of reference.
But after the specifics have been given, to be told their interpretation of the words is the problem is
expecting them to adapt and that was the point that I was trying to make.
The post I quoted was one where a couple of other posts had been presented as specific examples of the topic after the request was made for them; the response wasn't to engage in a discussion about the examples but to state that the words had been mis-interpreted.
It feels a bit like running in a circle to have these kinds of discussions.
"I feel X when someone says Y"
"Show me examples when someone said Y"
"Here are some examples when I felt X when someone said Y"
"Y was not said, that was just your interpretation of the words"
A more productive discussion might change the last response to something like, "Oh, I don't interpret Y in that way, I interpret it in this way. How do you interpret Y? OP, how did you intend to use Y?" which allows for everyone involved to feel heard and tends to encourage further discussion on the original topic, rather than discourage it.
And I personally find the prevalence of communication problems to occur less when hearing what I don't want to hear and more when I'm not feeling heard in return.
Now back to the sex again
redpepper, you've stated very eloquently your journey to discovering and claiming your sexuality for yourself - thank you!
Much of what you said resonates with me, though I've had a much more simplified way of expressing it.
I've often said my sexuality feels like a double-edged sword at times.
Balancing healthy and empowering sexual encounters against the ones that don't feel so good and figuring out how to ensure that they are all healthy ones has been a process for me as well.
That sort of journey is a very individual thing and not one that easily lends itself to generalizations or even common paths.
Perhaps that's one of the reasons that the concepts of sex positive and sex negative can be so tricky to define.