Thread: i need advice
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Old 03-25-2013, 04:04 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default Your situation is hard to understand

It sounds like you are against using any labels to describe any of your relationships, and that's fine as it is really hard to pigeon hole anybody's relationship, but without any sort of label the only way that is honest is fully disclosing all behaviors and interactions with other people you care about whether or not they know the truth. Or more specifically, fully disclosing the the things that avoiding the labels may be used to conceal certain aspects of the relationship.

Avoiding labels isn't bad, but it can be very easily used to be misleading. For example, if you are not referring to your "best friend" as a girl friend in an attempt to conceal the sexual aspect of your relationship, that is lying when you are misleading the people or family you are supposedly close with. That is something you might want to practice with outsiders in order to protect yourself and your loved ones or anybody else from the harm that is done by people who hate and remain in denial of their hatred, but your close fir

It would help if you clarified whether or not your "best friend" is aware of your non-monogamous views and possible desire to practice some non-monogamous behaviors. That one little fact (whether she is aware of any sexual aspects in other relationships) really does make a night and day difference in your situation, so until you are clear about whether or not you are clear with your friend, it may prove hard to offer any suggestions that might help your situation.

If she knows about any sex that may or may not be involved, it honestly sounds like the two of you are experiencing very typical struggles that all lovers go through when your life is lived in an open, more sexually free kind of way.

You can't do anything to improve any troubles you are experiencing with friendship until the two of you are in fact speaking specifically about the same things

yes, in many peoples minds the only difference between a best friend and a girlfriend is whether or not sex is involved, otherwise sex with people other than your best friend would likely be given the label of Friends With Benefits. Labels tend to give people the wrong impression which is why you might want to discuss the finer details with friends you are close with or genuinely care about, especially when the labels are likely to mislead

if she knows you have a healthy attitude towards responsible sexual habits, labels may not really matter but you will never know if you refuse to talk about it specifically. Because society as a whole seems to have a problem with understanding the difference between right and wrong (the difference between having an opinion based on personal feelings and bigotry) in general and in order to conceal the sexual aspect of any relationship you have other than your girlfriend, you use the term "friend"

it is a practice that is to this day necessary if you wish to avoid harmful treatment by resentful/prejudiced/bigoted people who justify such wrongful, harmful behavior because of fundamentally flawed way their mind is framed. Like any failing of a society, such wrongs are only corrected by people being brave enough to put up the affliction and the courage to persist and live openly and honestly so that hopefully, eventually society corrects it's problem. Because it ultimately is their problem and when societal failings are dealt with by genuinely good, moral/ethical, upstanding citizens are pressured to deny who they are because society denies their wrongs doing it unjustly causes a whole host of problems that innocent people are forced to deal with. It is unjust, because it is the the people whose behaviors are wrong that should be forced to endure the unnecessary hardships until they correct what's wrong, not the innocent being left to suffer until other people correct their wrongs as that is just simply plain bullshit

and the more people who are brave enough to live openly, as well as more people being vocal and taking action to stand behind those who are brave enough and any way others show their support for innocent people suffering affliction, the quicker and therefore less unnecessary damage is allowed to occur in every life of truly innocent people

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 03-25-2013 at 04:38 AM. Reason: added thoughts
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