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Old 03-25-2013, 03:45 AM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

Two things.

First, I think in any relationships, mono, poly, open, you need to discuss what definitions mean to you. I've had this discussion with friends before. All these things people just assume about relationships and they assume everyone has the same assumptions! What is cheating, when is it serious all of that. When those assumptions YOU have are based on relationships you have seen, been exposed to, or part of. Well how could someone else have the exact same assumptions if they haven't had the exact same experiences and exposures?

Secondly, I really get annoyed, bit pet peeve, when someone else defines something for me. I've had a horrible experience in the past, including abusive behavior thrown at me and others, all because I dared to say that the way that something was defined wasn't how I or my partner's defined it. It became a mess because as was stated to us Franklin defined it this way and since he's such a poly heavy weight, it was deemed that it was THE definition. Sorry, I don't buy that. I don't buy that just because you have a 'following' of sorts that means your definitions and decisions are THE right ones. I don't care who you are. It became an epic fight that should have ended when I simply stated, "Oh well I can see why you were upset over it, however that's not how we define that. We define it this way." Instead it became a "You are wrong! What we define it as is what it is!"

Flexibility people. Know that just because you have had a bad experience with XYZ doesn't mean other people that use the term XYZ are even doing the same things!
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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