Originally Posted by Tonberry
So while I think going "the marriage is more important, that's that and other people don't have an input" seems a bit too much, I don't think you should deny the fact that it can be hard for people to start out with poly, and there should be some sympathy for them too.
I absolutely agree.
That's how I ended up on the short end of being told we were heirachical.
Because I knocked the world off its axis for Maca & he was left trying to tread water with lungs full of water. Not a good scenario.
It took some time for him to even out (about 3 years actually). Now things are astronomically different from what they were when we started.
But-even now-there are some who say degrading things linked with heirarchy-because our responsibility to our kids as individual parents comes before additional relationships.
There is no "well he/she will keep the kids so I can be gone half a week". That's not the deal. We are both full time parents (as is GG) and we have full time responsibilities to the kids regardless of whether or not one or another of us is available.
We don't brush that off on each other-because it's not about "someone watching the kids" it's about maintaining our personal bond with our children.
People think it's about our marriage.
Regardless of how it may appear on the outside.
I don't tell him he has to be home each day to spend time with the kids after work.
HE tells himself that-because that is the dynamic of HIS relationship with the kids.
Likewise-he doesn't tell me I have to be here every day for the kids or 3 days a week for the grandson. I do that-because those relationships are THAT important to ME.
Other people seem to find it astonishing that there is a chance that individually-we are PERSONALLY devoted to our relationships with the kids/grandkids to the point that we aren't willing to prioritize a date that takes that away from us.