Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
IT IS NOT OK TO START A RELATIONSHIP ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME DEFINITIONS.
You need to DISCUSS, communicate, contemplate, commune with one another(s) over what YOUR definition is.
You say you are bi, what does that mean to you? Is it what I mean when I say I am bi? How does that play out in real life?
You say you are poly-what is poly to you? Is it compatible with what poly is for me?
You say you have (or don't accept) heirarchies-what IS that to YOU? Is it compatible with what it is for ME???
Before those conversations can happen, you have to ask yourself all of those questions. What is ___________ and___________ and____________ to ME?
That's a big reason why I reject labels and buzz words beyond shorthand conversation movers with strangers or acquaintances.
When you're dealing with people you actually want to be with (as opposed to intellectual discussions for the sake of conversation), you can't afford those confusions. You can't spend six months with someone only to find that you have a completely different understanding of a fundamental concept.
In the time it takes to define all your labels, you could just as easily say "this is how I do relationships, this is what kind of people I'm interested in, this is how I'd like my kids to be raised, these are the kinky things I'm into, etc." Turning that into a deep discussion about definitions seems to detract from the real point, which is learning about the other person.
I was TA'ing a lab the other day, and 3 students asked me if they had to do a sample calculation for taking the natural log of a number. I told each of them, "Yes, and in the time it took you to ask, you could have just done it."