View Single Post
  #12  
Old 03-24-2013, 06:45 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,093
Default

It should be noted-Franklin didn't write that post. It was a guest post.

I happen to have been part of that conversation on facebook as well.

I think there were valid points brought up in both directions.

I am also one of the people who HAS experienced heirarchy by SOME definitions and been accused of living heirarchy by some of the highly negative connotations of it.

I also happen to be one of the posters who agrees that this definition was better than MOST of the definitions of I have encountered.

The only one I've seen (thus far) that I liked as much or better-was written on here, by Mono.

_______________
Regarding labels AND definitions:
It's important to remember, that just because someone writes something, doesn't mean it is all-inclusive. It's IMPOSSIBLE for ANY definition to be all inclusive.
Somewhere, someone on this topic used the "define a chair" example; which is used in college psych classes frequently.
It's a great mental process to help a person understand why
NO DEFINITION IS GOING TO BE ALL INCLUSIVE.
Not ever.

If this definition is fitting for SOME people, then it's good for them to claim it.

If it's not fitting for others-they shouldn't claim it.
__________________________________

NYCindie and I are polar opposites in SO MANY WAYS.
And yet-I respect and appreciate NYC's posts SO VERY MUCH because they allow me to see and learn from the perspective of someone who IS very different from me.
The things that are "poly" to me-are not for NYC and vice versa.
That doesn't mean either of us is using a "wrong" definition of poly.

The same is true for heirarchy.

At the end of the day;

the reason these topics are so important comes down to one tiny little detail:

IT IS NOT OK TO START A RELATIONSHIP ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU BOTH HAVE THE SAME DEFINITIONS.
You need to DISCUSS, communicate, contemplate, commune with one another(s) over what YOUR definition is.

You say you are bi, what does that mean to you? Is it what I mean when I say I am bi? How does that play out in real life?
You say you are poly-what is poly to you? Is it compatible with what poly is for me?
You say you have (or don't accept) heirarchies-what IS that to YOU? Is it compatible with what it is for ME???


There is no final definition.

What is love to you?
What is marriage to you?
What is dating to you?
What is commitment to you?
What is BDSM to you?
What is D/s to you?
What is parenting to you?
What is EVERY DAMN THING YOU CARE ABOUT to you?

Before those conversations can happen, you have to ask yourself all of those questions. What is ___________ and___________ and____________ to ME?
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote