Marriage, jealousy and new feelings..
Hi all, I'm new to the forum but not to polyamory. I've been poly all my life but only started practising poly openly when I married my husband in 2008. He accepted it and while he's not poly, he was OK with the fact that I was. I met someone shortly after we married and had a relationship with him alongside the marriage. The only rule was, no sex - hubby and I agreed that sex would just be for us.
The relationship with Ben lasted about 6 months and then ended when I became pregnant (hubby and I had been trying for a baby). It ended peacefully and I was happy to practise a mono relationship with my husband.
Hubby later told me, since the birth of our son, that I wasn't happy about my relationship with Ben, that he just put up with it because he loved me, but that it tore him apart inside.
I hadn't realised this and felt awful about it but we talked and he accepted that it's just who I am. I said I'd try to 'change' and be mono, in order to save our marriage..
Well fast forward to now and I've met someone else. We'll call him Liam. I have fallen for him and he feels the same, but doesn't want a relationship with me. I'm not sure I even want a relationship with him but I really need to somehow express my feelings and love for him. I still love my husband and don't want to leave him. I want our marriage to work but he is not OK with how I feel about Liam. I told him last night and he was distraught. I don't know what to do. I'm not 100% happy in my marriage but I want to try and make it work. But I can't change how I feel. I can't become someone I'm not. I am in love with 2 people and there's nothing I can do about it!
Hubby keeps asking me what he can do to make me happy. I think the only thing he can do is accept that I am who I am and I am in love with 2 people. Like I said I don't think I want a relationship with Liam but I need to somehow be with him, on some level. We've been spending a lot of time together as friends and when we kissed yesterday it became clear to us both that there's more to it than friendship.
I'm so confused, I don't know what to do!