Hey everybody! I am a 36 year old mother of two boys, Monkey (13) and Toad (10). I was married for 12 years to K, the best ex-husband any girl could possibly ask for. The marriage was poisonous, but now that we are apart, we are best friends. We've been separate since May of 2010, and at that point I moved in with my best friend (L) and her fiance'.
Let me rewind a bit. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 2005 or so, L met a cool guy (J) on a blogging site. We both became friends with him, and eventually his wife (A) as well. (This is beginning to look like alphabet soup) We remained friends online for several years, but for me contact was more sporadic. L is much better with socializing than I am so she remained my primary point of contact for A & J.
Through L, I learned that A & J had split at roughly the same time I left K. The first 6 months of my separation were a whirlwind of preparing for L's destination wedding. We got the news that A would be coming to the wedding, so we would be meeting her in person for the first time. We joked a lot about how A and I would hook up and have naughty girly time. (She identifies as MOSTLY lesbian, I identify as bisexual, but more toward the lesbian end of that spectrum)
We met, sparks flew, naughty girly times were had, and then we all had to go back to our real lives. I really expected it to be a one night stand with a good friend, but the universe apparently had other plans for us. I fell for her, hard, and she for me. We maintained a long distance relationship for about 8 months, during which time she was able to come visit me only once. (We live about 800 miles apart). I couldn't take the long distance thing at that time. I had been newly diagnosed with depression (which has since been re-diagnosed as bipolar disorder), and when the long distance thing got to be too much for me, I shut down. And I'm talking I shut down to the point where to her it must have felt like I fell off the planet. I quit responding to texts, quit answering phone calls, no contact whatsoever. I didn't even give her the courtesy of breaking up with her. Just completely cut off contact. Yep. I really was that big of an asshole. We were both miserable. I did eventually send her a letter apologizing for my behavior, hoping against hope that we could remain friends. We did, but it was painful. We still loved each other but we also both knew that I was in no shape to be in any kind of relationship at that point. Calls were few and far between.
Meanwhile, J moved back in with her (complex reasons for that, I'm trying really hard to keep this short, not working out so well). Partially for financial and medical reasons but also as her occasional boyfriend. Time passed, things changed, I moved into my own place, I acquired a female FWB (S) (geez, I'm gonna run out of letters soon), L left her husband and she and her sister (R) moved in with me. A started making plans to come visit our family of friends for her birthday in October of 2012.
As that deadline started approaching, I discovered a few things about myself. A has always identified as poly while I have not. I discovered that I was still in love with her and that it didn't bother me at all that J was still in her life. And while I am not completely out of the woods as far as my bipolar disorder is concerned, I am in a much better head space now than I was back when I abandoned her. I already knew that she was still in love with me as well as J, so for her birthday, my gift to her was a night in an amazing bed and breakfast. As soon as she arrived, I knew that this was the woman I am meant to be with. She was here for 5 days, and they were amazing. Her last night in town was her birthday and that night at the bed and breakfast was beautiful. We started making plans for her to move her family here. She will be here in about two months.
I am approaching this deadline with a little more trepidation. I am ridiculously excited to have her in my life physically, but the situation is not ideal. I know that it will be a difficult transition for everyone involved. Thus my reason for searching out this forum. I know that I am going to need support and advice to get through this with as little pain as possible. I know that issues will come up, and I trust that we are all mature and open enough to work through that, but this is an entirely new circumstance for me. I am not a natural poly. I love her no matter what package she comes in, and for right now I have no jealousy issues. BUT how will I feel when she is physically here and so is J? How will I react to seeing them together? Knowing something and seeing it are two different things. And yes, these are all things that we have discussed, and will continue to do so, but I don't want to overburden her with my fears at this time. J had massive brain surgery three days ago, and she is stressed and exhausted. I'm a little late to the game as far as doing research on this lifestyle, considering I need to be ready in two months, but I want to make sure that I am doing everything I can to be ready.
I'm sure there are more things I need to discuss, but this is already a ridiculously long intro. Any advice for noobs is appreciated. I have been reading threads on this site for a few days, and I am terribly impressed with the level of support, compassion and friendship that is evident. I hope to make some good friends here
Love and light to all,