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Old 03-23-2013, 01:06 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Originally Posted by Naturalite View Post
If someone is new to poly relationships and finds them self interested in someone who is not new to it and you know has other relationships already including a SO how is it best to approach without stepping on toes. Is there a way to ask questions like "do they know about me? Have you talked with them about our connection? Also if one wants to be clear on interest is there a certain way to ask.
When I hear "interested in," I think "there's this cute boy in my class, I wonder what it would be like to go on a date with him." But then you say "our connection" like you're already past that point. So to me, those are two very different situations.

Once you start getting serious, there's nothing wrong with saying something like, "I'm really excited to meet your SO. How do you think they would feel about that?" After all, I can't imagine dating someone without at least meeting their other partners. I'm not saying we're going to be new BFFs, but I need to have at least some familiarity with the other people in my loved ones' lives. Meeting someone turns them into a real person, not just some scary concept.

Going from mono to Poly is there a different kind way of communicating? I know that sounds odd but not wanting to hurt or offend and certainly respect everyone seems so important. Also wanting to honor ones new/shyness to it how does one go about this.
Everyone has their own style of communicating, and it varies far more between individuals than between mono/poly. Some people are blunt, others are more sensitive. Respect is always important. The only difference in poly is that there are more people to respect, more opinions to consider, and more feelings to be sensitive towards.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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