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Old 03-22-2013, 09:46 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,400

Originally Posted by anya1991 View Post
i have just found out that a few days ago my girlfriend told my boyfriend that she didnt want him having relations alone with me, yet she does in fact have relations with him alone, she doesnt with me because i know shes not comfortable, she doesnt ever want to have relations with us both becuase i know thats not what she wants. so i finally came to the decision today that this isnt going to work out for me, i can not be with someone that selfish, she will never change even if she says she has it will always be a problem, unfortunately this means i have also lost the initial love of my life my boyfriend. but i guess thats the price i pay and maybe its what i need, no more drama no more jealousy, no more feeling neglected because she feels her needs arent being met. thank you guys all for your love and support, although i like this site i might not return again due to thinkin that a trinogamous relationship might not work out for me again in the future, even though the thought of it would be pleasant.
So she doesn't want you to have sex with him without her, but she doesn't want to have sex with you with him... so basically, she doesn't want you to have sex with him at all. Well, that's no surprise, it sounds like that's how she's been acting all along.

Have you considered transitioning this relationship to a "vee?" There's no reason you and she have to be together as a couple. They don't have to live with you, either. Or he can live with you but you can ask her to move out. Clearly it's not working as a triad, but that doesn't mean it can't work in some other form. That way, you wouldn't have to deal with her baggage so much. You can set out your own boundaries and needs in terms of what you require in a relationship with him, and she can do the same. Then it's up to him to figure out if he can balance all of that.

Honestly, I don't think she's cut out for polyamory. Some people just aren't, and there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is that she's being pressured into a situation that doesn't fit for her. I blame him for that, by threatening each of you that he'll leave the other if one of you leaves him. That's pretty selfish. It puts the burden of the other woman's relationship on each of your shoulders. That's manipulative.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-22-2013 at 09:53 PM.
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