OMG! This sounds so familiar
Originally Posted by kkxvlv
I'm a talker, I want to talk about everything all the time.
I too am a talker and live with someone who's NOT. In counceling (after 19 years of marriage).it came out that the more I talk, the more he just tunes me out. So unless I'm direct, to the point and use only about 5 words, he spaces out. We also had to learn to stop and say "what did you hear me say and what do you think it means" it must be in their words, not a repeat of yours - don't be surprised if what they heard is way out in left field from where you thought you were going.
As far as the silent vs checking in - let me know when you figure that one out
. At home, I just have to keep reminding everyone (kids included) that I NEED that check in for my own sanity, even if the answer is "I have no answers yet", "I'm still thinking about it" or even "I've been swamped and haven't had 2 minutes to devote to it". Just don't blow me off and ignore me.
Pick only one topic at a time. This is hard for me because one thing makes me think of something else, but it confuses the non-talkers, who don't bounce from topic to topic easily. You may also want to make it clear that if they say they are "OK" with something, you will take them at their word and it's their responsibility to bring it up again, if things change (no passive-aggressive shit where fine or ok means they are really pissed off and now it's a guessing game). Don't keep hounding them. Checking in is ok, but don't badger them about a specific topic. "Hey, it's been a week or so since our last big discussion, I just want to check in to see if there is anything we need to address?" If they say, all is good, leave it at that.
The communication is not all on you, it does go both ways.