I want to say a huge thank you to everyone for their well wishes, hugs, and positive comments.
To Anne and Cleo, it's wonderful to hear that my journey is helping you think about the role of kink in your own lives. I tend to think of my blogging as pretty self-indulgent, so knowing that people are getting useful stuff out of it, especially on a topic that can be so hard to talk about and understand sometimes, is just really cool.
That first encounter wasn't a fluke, for the record.
He was going to see someone last night, but she had to cancel, so he asked if I wanted to go to a bondage-themed party with him. I didn't have anything special planned, so I happily agreed. It was just as fulfilling as before to see him, touch him, and just to be near him. He seemed very happy to see me too.
I got to meet a bunch of his friends, and overall they were very warm, laid back, and interesting people.
He tied me up for the first time, in an elaborate and exciting way. He loves rope, and is very experienced with it, so this was a moment we had both been anticipating.
Picture the scene -- we're at a house party full of people, in a corner of the living room that's been set aside for tying people up in interesting ways. I'm wearing nothing but a pair of lacy underwear and some striped socks, he's fully dressed. I'm on my knees covered in intricate knots, he's bent down attaching more. I'm smiling at him dreamily. He glances at my face, grins, and quickly looks away. Then he says, in a quiet, happy voice, "Why am I the one feeling shy when you're the one," he gestures at me, encompassing my nudity and my bound condition, "like this?"
We went back to his place and did some more fun things together. It was much more gentle and slow than it had been before. I love the rough stuff, but I didn't miss it, I was in the moment. After, we talked in depth about our other relationships, about ourselves, and about what he and I are doing. He expressed how honored and awed and pleased my feelings for him made him, and said that he felt very strongly about me, but wanted to wait until he felt perfectly sure to say the L word. I told him that I understood perfectly, and didn't need to hear it on any particular timetable.
And it was true, I felt completely unconcerned about something that normally might have been difficult to handle. The simple fact was, I felt love constantly from him, in the reverent way he touched me, in the intense way he looked at me, in the insightful and considerate things he said to me, in the way he was being so incredibly open with me about his various struggles and hopes, in the way he was throwing himself into this as headlong as I was. What's in a word?
We slept beside each other again. I thought he had fallen asleep. "Thank you," he said clearly. "What for?" I asked. He said nothing. It occurred to me that he was, in fact, asleep. "Well, you're welcome," I said.
In the morning, after some more wonderful, gentle sexual activity, he pulled me close to him. Then he separated from me, looked in my face, and told me that he loved me. I just smiled and smiled and smiled.
We talked some more. He told me that he had imagined what sorts of collars I'd look good in, what it would feel like to collar me, and thought that perhaps that was a road we could go down in the future if I wanted. He mentioned the idea that, if we got one that locked, he could wear the key to my collar as its own piece of jewelry (this is by no means something all key-holders do, and would sort of mark him as mine just as much as I'd be his). It was my turn to react much as he'd done when I told him I loved him for the first time -- not unhappy, but a little thrown and needing time to process it. And yet, I'm sure that I'll say yes, in time.
I might be meeting his partner Izzy tomorrow night at another party (he stays busy in the local scene, helps to run some things). He has a couple of other folks he considers partners in addition to her and me, but they both live in adjoining states, so she's by far the biggest presence in his life. They've been together two and a half years. I'm excited about getting to know her.
I still know in theory that this is all happening insanely fast, but the concept feels irrelevant. All I can think of is how, when people talk of finding the right person for them, they often say they "just knew." I can't truly know where this will go, how or if it'll end. But it all just feels so big and so right. We're like puzzle pieces, our bodies and our hearts just... fit.