question on making sure metamors are ok with things
To be brief:
I have a crush on a man, let's call him Falcon; we talked about it, he's dating a woman who he's been talking about poly with, and he has some freedom to play under specific circumstances (that involve public performance scenes - yes, we're both in the bdsm community) but they hadn't yet clarified her stance on relationships not under those specific circumstances.
He's been alternating backing off and ignoring my messages on facebook, being fairly platonic when we see each other each week at rehearsals, and being very affectionate, sexual, and messaging me every other day. I've tried to bring up his girlfriend in the messages - casual, non confrontational - just to feel out how she's reacting and if the way things are going is okay for her, because I absolutely don't want to hurt her or mess that up - but he doesn't reply to those parts of the messages. I'm not a threat to her - sure, in my run away imagination I can see he and I having a relationship for years (Falcon and my husband/dom, Guy, get along really well too, which is awesome beyond words), but I'm not looking to replace her, drive her away, upset her, or anything like that - and if she is not okay with this in this early stage, I will end it immediately.
But I'm really worried about her (lets call her JQ). I want to make sure everyone is on the same page and is all okay, but I've only met her a couple times, months ago, before I got permission to even think about poly with a man. I don't know her last name, so I can't cyberstalk her, if she's even online - his facebook does not list her in his relationships and he lists himself as single.
So the question is: how do I ask Falcon point blank about JQ without coming across like I feel that he's lying about her being okay with the level we're at now? (I don't think he's lying, I've never gotten a bad vibe from him, everything I know about him and everything I've heard from his friends says he's a great guy - I'm just paranoid because he hasn't been really clear; his behavior alters by the week, warm or cool; I don't know if this is him not feeling sure about him and me, or if somethings up with him and her.)
Thanks for any advice!