A date with Knight. (more about my history with him here
Always the very first moment I lay eyes on him, when he walks into the bar where I'm waiting for him, I'm thinking.. is that all? Is this the guy I cried over, agonized over, for so long? He seems ike a regular guy. Not even all that cute. He looks tired, and older than I remember. But this only lasts 10 minutes or so. Then we slip into our routine of conversation and we keep going for almost 4 hours. Talk, talk, talk some more. Funny witty teasing, he challenges me so. Always makes me look at things from another perspective. I never know when he's serious or flippant and yet I do know.. when it gets real.. he is real and he is very serious. He became so beautiful to me agian over the course of the evening.
One tender, careful kiss, his hands on my leg a lot, some neck nuzzling and hair ruffling. Smiles and eye contact and togetherness. For the first time I managed not to cry in his presence, although there was one brief moment when I came close. Went home so happy to know him, have him in my life, this onconventional weird guy with who I have this unconventional, weird but meaningful relationship. Happy.
Ren has a date with his ex GF tonight. They are what I like to call FWVLB (Friends with very little benefits) - close friends who hold hands sometimes, kiss or cuddle just a little. He still loves her and would love to get back together with her. She broke up with him, she said it was because of the poly thing, but has later admitted that she has severe commitment issues and that she always breaks up with guys after six months or so, and that she maybe used the poly thing as an excuse. I like her a LOT and would be so happy if they got back together. It was so cute seeing Ren a little nervous, finding the fridge stuffed with things she likes and things she might like (she's coming to dinner while I am at MrB.'s).
I am really rooting for him which is a great feeling. I have sometimes wondered if I am uncapable of feeling compersion with Ren - there is always so much resentment and jealousy when it comes to Lou, but I really think that that has a lot to do with her as a person and her behavior, and not so much with the fact that Ren has a GF. With another woman I would feel different. I dream of the day when he has a GF who I like and trust and who could become a friend. So fingers crossed that it will go well!