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Old 03-22-2013, 08:37 AM
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Helo Helo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 278

I tend to dislike the characterization of polyamory as a "lifestyle" because I feel that it cheapens it and masks the concept behind a word we use for often very superficial or one dimensional changes in our lives.

To me, this is a way of LIFE. This is how I live my life; it is interconnected with how I relate to people, how I have friendships, how I treat others, how I feel about the ideas of justice, equality, solidarity, and it even ties in with my political leanings.

I think people turn to poly as a way to fix a broken relationship the same way people think having a baby is going to fix their relationship. It sounds like a bitchin' idea on the box but there's A LOT more to it than most people realize. I would tend to agree with the characterization of people who get into it for those reasons as "lifestylers" because many of them (that I've encountered, anyways) dont seem to grasp the fundamental under-pinnings of the idea of polyamory.

I know that sounds a bit snobbish but there is truth to it. Trust, openness, honesty, and communication are all foundational building blocks to any strong poly relationship and a lot of these couples seem to be missing one or more of them and in pretty glaring instances. Poor communication is often what leads them both to consider poly because neither one wants to nut up and say what's really on their mind. They haven't examined their relationship or really much of themselves so they dont actually know if it would be a good idea, it's just a quick solution to throw at the problem and hope it works and the relationship limps along for another few years, crippled but not yet dead.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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