thank you fuchka, yes i am really learning the lesson about my limits now! i don't want to paint the picture of my boyfriend as a bad guy, we are just experiencing this in very different ways. there have been several times when i had thought that we were clear on something or that he "must understand how he should act because he knows how i feel about this". no. he found the loopholes
and i really believe he has not done anything with the purpose to hurt me, but sometimes that has happened anyway. my wish was that he would have been more careful and take things more slowly, but then again if i were in his situation i might have done the exact same thing. we have talked about that we have very different lessons to learn through this. for me, the biggest lesson has been dealing with jealousy and not put so much of my identity in a relationship. for him, the biggest fear has been to hurt someone he cares about, and he is now dealing with that.
so, i realize i forgot to mention what happened to the guy i went on the first date with. he replied to my message that he had a great time on our date, thought i was very attractive, nice and funny (please, go on...) and was very flattered. on the other hand, he had recently met someone and he wasn't really sure about his thoughts and feelings towards her, so he needed some time to sort through that before he could see anyone else, no matter how nice and good-looking... so. there was nothing i could do about that, just wait and see if something would happen in the future.
ok so my boyfriend made out with the girl on saturday, and we are now on the week after, when we had agreed they would not have sex. apart from that agreement we had said that we were to tell the other person if anything happened with someone else. honesty and open communication was of course very important. in the beginning of the week he told me that they had met again, had lunch at his place and made out some more. i was ok with this. when the weekend came, a friend of mine came to visit, which was nice since i had mostly been at home snivelling from either a cold or crying in the past couple of weeks. on the saturday, it was my boyfriend's birthday and we had made plans to go out for dinner alone and then have my friend and maybe some other people meet up with us for drinks. then i would spend the night at his place, which was ok with my friend. i was really looking forward to us spending some romantic time alone together and my boyfriend also said he was looking forward to it. on the saturday he phoned me and said that they had met again and that they had spent the night at his place. they had not had sex but they had slept in the same bed, and it's a really small bed.
ok, so now we get to the loopholes. of course, he was not breaking our agreement since they had not had sex. but i felt that he was moving very fast to not only see her twice in a week but also to bring her to his bed, the bed i would sleep in the following night. he knew that i was having a hard time, feeling like i couldn't keep up, crying from being so exhausted. so i felt it was inconsiderate of him. like he wasn't being a good friend to me. he said he wasn't proud of himself and also felt that it had not been a good decision, but he had been very drunk. when we met that night i was very sad, we had an ok time when we were alone but every time i went to the bathroom i was crying. for me, what he had done or not done with here was not the issue. of course i could understand why he would want to do it, especially if he was drunk. i just felt, you've already seen her once this week, you know i'm having a hard time, why can't you wait like six days? like, was he trying to make it extra hard for me, to get rid of me? when my friends showed up i could lighten up a bit and had an ok night. but i didn't come home with him, i wasn't ready to sleep in that bed again so soon after she had been in it.