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Old 01-09-2010, 05:42 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
How much are you affected by the way your partner(s) behave in other relationships?
I think I will answer this more at the end as I feel it kind of fits my thoughts there...

Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
Apart from the obvious safe sex issue, there's a deeper issue for me. I get the heebie jeebies thinking about sleeping with someone who's slept with someone who's knowingly put himself at risk. It seems very unloving to oneself.
My intimate friend put himself in a similar situation and I am left wondering the same thing lately. He put himself at risk because he was horny and hates condoms. It is unloving to the person he was with, not himself. But it's a bit different in your case.... I am left very emotional about my situation as I trusted him and respected that he holds people as sacred and precious. Of course she could of asked about his history, when he was tested last, etc. and choice not to... the whole thing is very disappointing and makes me angry and sad at the same time.

Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
How do you all handle these sorts of scenarios?
I told him he should get a test done in a couple of weeks and then again in 6 months and that she should do the same and that he should tell her it has been a long time since he has been tested and apologize. Then he should wear condoms again or refrain until they are both certain that they are safe. He agreed with me... but will he do it?

I wanted to tell him that when people find out that he was unsafe they will not trust him as much and that he broke a code of good conduct in the D/s world and in any sex positive circle.

I don't know what it will mean to our sex life together, I have been talking to Nerdist about it and what now is off limits....

I must say that there is a very good reason for me to be polyfi. I am kinda getting fed up with all this bullshit. People just don't seem to think that they need to practice good safe sex,,, just some safe sex. What of oral sex, that seems to be a-okay in my realm... no problem. Well it isn't entirely safe. There is a lot of laughing it all off I find. Drives me crazy. Really I like my fluid bonds with Mono and the safety in knowing that Nerdist is very safe... (he isn't fixed so we use condoms still after 12 years,,, except that year I was pregnant).

So to answer your question? I think we are all affected greatly by what our partners do. It's so important to pick responsible trust worthy partners and then still trust yourself most. What worries me most about your situation is that this man is new to having herpes and perhaps doesn't know all that is entailed in keeping others from getting infected. He doesn't seem interested in making sure they are not either as he is so nonchalant about his own health. Yup, I think your partner could set a good example to him by telling him sorry guy, I am going to find someone to sleep with that cares more about themselves and others bodies than you do... there is a lot of men to pick from when it comes to just sex. It's relationships that are hard to find.
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