I'm bitter, tetchy, closed, volatile. Just made a lemon into lemonade to remind myself I don't want to feel like this. I'm not interested in wallowing. I'm interesting in owning my fears, but not being owned by them.
Also remembered that my life is not so much the "life gives you lemons" quote. More like "when life gives you lemonade, appreciate it."
Last night I asked Ocean if it would be easier to decide to have a non-sexual relationship for now.
He said "do you want that?"
I said, "for me, no. But if that's what you want then it could make it easier for me if we had a decision like that. I don't mean forever, just for now, until further notice."
He replied "no, I don't think that's a good idea. It's not what I want."
We fell asleep in each other's arms. Easy, uneasy, dreams.