Last week Brad didn't tell me he had been spending time with someone we both know in our community. They were getting their kids together regularly and he wasn't letting me know. Last I heard he was going with his wife, for the first time, to visit with her and her husband and their kids.
Derby was the first to let me know that I might like to know that he was going on a date with her. He had been waiting to tell me on our coffee date but the cat got out of the bag when she spread the news to everyone she knew that he had asked her out for dinner. Derby, bless her, was worried that it was all getting out of control and took it into her own hands and told him he better get around to telling me or I would lose my mind if I heard it anywhere else than from him. He explained to her his plan and she disagreed with the approach and told me anyway.
I was grateful to know and empathized with how that might of made her feel to have to not only hold on to that, but to have to tell me when he wasn't. I don't know their conversation but I imagine it might of been a bit awkward. Maybe they will tell me about that one day, but for now I don't know how that went down.
So I texted him and got right to it; "What happened that you got to this point and I am hearing about it now?!"
It turned out that he thought her interesting and wondered about her. He wanted to see what she was like alone and thought nothing more of it other than "hmmmm, perhaps?" He thought he would tell me when I got home from the short trip I was on, in person.
I don't like "in person" stuff. I prefer to get a text or a phone call so that I can gather myself and find some composure when faced with hard emotional stuff. I am not one of those that like to be dumped in person. I would rather know its coming and then meet. He's got that now.
So what was at the bottom of this is that we need to spend more time working on us, that he is completely happy with his two lovely ladies and that he doesn't want a third. I complained that I don't get asked out for dinner and actually make all, if not most of our plans together. I would like to be asked to participate in his life! I was feeling left out while he and my gf go to crossfit together, their kids have sleep overs, they go out for dinner and do stuff with all kinds of people in our community and I don't seem to be on the radar.
Okay, I lead a quiet life that is quite self absorbed lately, but it doesn't mean I don't want to be asked! This has happened before and its now happened again. Its happened a lot, actually, in my life. I'm an oversight somehow. I guess I'm a bit of a challenge. That is what I am guessing.
So now he isn't going on "the date" and asked me to spend time with him and his family and to go out for dinner. Yay me! I'm thrilled on many levels as I didn't really want to deal with this woman as a metamour and I get lots of lovin time.
And I am considered. All I need to remember to do in return is tell him I care, love him, am available to him and that I intend to be in his life, when he asks, for a very long time. He needed to know that, trust that, and in our reconnecting and making up, he had lots of that.