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Old 03-20-2013, 09:18 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

So, uh. So. So, I... fell in love with him? With Clay.

This was unexpected.

As the last week went on, and he and I kept talking and building a rapport and an intimacy, I was feeling more and more strongly that this was going to be serious. The larger part of me has consistently felt oddly calm about this, but another part of me has definitely been scared. He suggested that we could meet up a few days before we'd planned to, at a party he was running, and I said I wasn't ready, that I needed to meet him at a familiar, comfortable, public place and stay there for at *least* the first hour or so. After that? Well, we were taking it more and more as a given that we'd be going back to his place.

I've decided to post on my tumblr blog about the journey from the night before we met to the day after, so if you want to know some of the details of how it all went down, you can read about it there.

I told him how I was feeling while we were making love (most people would have called what we were doing "particularly rough sex" rather than "making love", but it felt like both of those things). I told someone that I'd known for a week, and had just met for the first time mere hours before, that I loved him. His response, which was one part wonderment, one part anxiety, and one part simple surprise, was: "You do?" "I don't know, man, maybe?!?" I replied. Y'know, keeping my cool and all... He told me that he wasn't sure, but that he thought he might feel the same way.

We spent the night together, did all sorts of wonderful, wonderful, wonderful D/s things (he hurt me, I worshiped his feet, you get the idea), as well as mundane things (got takeout, watched a movie). We talked about how crazy, implausible, and amazing it all was. I can't stress enough how sincere, genuine, and honest he was throughout everything. He admitted to me that he was a little scared. I told him that I felt like I should be, that I probably would be again later. I'm not any more, though, for the record. Scared, that is.

We talked about our other partners, about wanting to check in with them as soon as possible, being nervous about their reactions but also trusting them. We talked about our relationship philosophies, which can be boiled down to "stay with someone as long as you're both good for each other, let your relationships affect each other only in good ways if at all possible". So often, our conversations came down to one of us saying something and the other saying "I feel exactly the same way."

I'm in love, you guys. He's amazing. We're going to explore so many things together, so many things we've both wanted for so long and have both relatively recently felt fully and completely ready to give.

I've asked myself if this is just some sort of weird overreaction to wanting D/s so much and finding someone else who wants it too and can actually give it to me. But then I remember Harry. He hurt me in the ways I wanted to be hurt, he gave me orders, he even suggested collaring me (I said no) and I just simply never felt more for him than I would for a dear friend. So, no, it's not that, not just that anyway.

He told his other main partner last night about everything he and I wanted to do and what we were becoming together, and she was very happy for him.

I saw Gia briefly last night (she and Eric had a date and I was there to babysit), and had time tell her "It went ridiculously well. This is going to be serious." She was ecstatic for me, her face lit up like the sun, she fell on me and hugged me. I laughed and said I hadn't expected her to be quite SO happy. She explained that, while she had eventually gotten over feeling guilty about not having enough time and energy to do all the things I've wanted to do with her, she had always hoped I could have that with someone.

I'm seeing Davis tonight for dinner. I'm going to tell him that I've met someone new, that I'm likely going to be getting into another serious secondary relationship not unlike the one I have with Gia. If he wants to know more, I'll tell him more, if he doesn't, I won't. I truly don't know how he'll take it, I can see his reactions ranging from unconcerned to really not ok. We'll see.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 03-20-2013 at 09:20 PM.
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