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Old 03-20-2013, 04:09 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
If a bloke is wont to be 'creeped' out,isn't it better that he knows beforehand (not that I have ever met this near mythical completely vanilla scared of kink gay man but let's just say he exists for arguments sake).
Oh, you must not live in the middle of Saskatchewan, Alberta, or Texas. I assure you, these people certainly do exist. You've not heard of gay bashing? You think it stops there??

Than it being thrown at him (especially if Joe is pretty extreme) later on in the middle of intimacy?
There's a pretty big gap between "first date" and "middle of intimacy": the whole "getting to know someone" stage. You can disclose this kind of information anywhere in that period without expecting someone to feel betrayed or lied to.

If someone seriously feels betrayed that a potential partner didn't disclose their deepest and darkest secrets on the second date, then they need to pull their self-entitled head out of their ass. Some people are open books, but most people need a bit of time to build trust. Many have been burned before and are hesitant to risk that again.

No, it's not usually the risk of beatings and rape. I was obviously exaggerating for dramatic effect. But that doesn't mean Mr. First Date won't post about "this freak I met last night" all over Facebook, putting Joe's professional life at risk.

I can't see any point in Joe keeping these things secret, I know plenty of gay men in the kink scene, I even know very secure in their sexuality straight males that will play with men in the scene.
Just because some people are out and open doesn't mean everyone can afford that privilege. The fact that you know about their sexuality just means they aren't in Joe's position.

Maybe instead of medical research, Joe is a school teacher, and even the suggestion that he might be into something kinky is enough to cost him his job. Teachers still get fired just for being gay. Sure, the administration makes up excuses to get around anti-discrimination laws... But do you really think it doesn't still happen? Do you honestly think that a Fundamentalist from the Bible Belt is going to let their child be educated by a gay-poly-kinky-freak?

You're in the scene, you go to fetish parties. You're out, your friends are out. That's awesome. But you need to realize that's a privilege, one that many people don't share. You know "plenty of gay men in the kink scene" because they're out; this whole conversation doesn't apply to them. But just because there's a handful of people who have a lifestyle that allows them to be out and proud doesn't mean there aren't 10x as many people scared for their jobs, if not lives, and forced to keep their secret safe.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-20-2013 at 04:11 PM.
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