View Single Post
  #17  
Old 03-20-2013, 01:13 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Haltom City, TX
Posts: 1,288
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
What you need to do in the foreseeable short-term is think of it in terms of what SHE needs, not what you wish she needed and/or what she does need but not from you.
You are surely right on that. The main thrust of this post is about what I want and am not getting. I'd like to think that it is all about my meeting her emotional needs but I'm not quite that awesome of a partner. I miss sharing a bed with her and was primarily trying to figure out how to express that to her without being a selfish twat.

There's really no way to do that, at least not with the relationship principles I choose to live by. What she gives me is what she is naturally inclined to give me and vice verse. Since currently she's dealing with heavy life shit she is not inclined to give me a particular thing that I like (sleeping in my bed periodically), which sucks but it is what it needs to be.

Fortunately IV is not shutting me out, that would be pretty crushing for me. I'm not having a lot of luck with focusing on her needs and setting aside my wants so I imagine not being included in her emotional journey would make it even worse.

And, I know I come off as a hard ass most of the time on here. On some topics I find it is my natural persona. In dealing with IV I'm a butter ball

Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
Determining whether it's a need or a desire can make all the difference in how you cope with it and how/when/whether you communicate it to her. Clearly, if it's a desire, then her need for support outweighs that. But if it is a need, then it can only go on for so long before something snaps.
It's a fair question SC. There are not many things I would classify as a need when it comes to what I get from IV (or anyone, for that matter). This would most likely be accurately classified as a "want". However, if our relationship stays the way that it currently is for long, it is likely that it will change the nature of our arrangement fundamentally.

If our romantic relationship remains basically platonic the way that it currently is for too long, I will cease to consider it a romantic relationship. We will become roommates who were lovers once. If that is the status of our relationship when the lease on our apartment comes up, for example, I will probably not stay here with her. While IV and CV are fine roommates, that's not what I signed up for.

So in that regard I suppose I could call it a need, in that if I don't get it for long enough it will become a relationship deal breaker. I feel pretty cold saying it that way, but it's true.

Quote:
Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility
Support for yourself is important too. Do you have a good support network around you who can listen to your concerns and help you also to relax and have fun? Supporting grieving loved ones is not easy and I think people doing so need an outlet.
I don't have a habit of sharing my feelings with people other than my romantic partners. I have close friends but I rarely discuss my relationships with them on any intimate level. So, I have plenty of love and support in general and am currently using you lovely people for my relationship specific support.
__________________
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single

Last edited by nycindie; 05-01-2014 at 08:05 AM.
Reply With Quote