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Old 03-20-2013, 06:09 AM
shakti99 shakti99 is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Thanks for the reply. We have gotten together here some. She has come over and helped me pack some boxes (impending move at some point). We have included her on an outing that would have been "our time" with long-time friends (do not know about the poly), went all three to the movies. He came home, said he wanted to see Oz, "She wants to see Oz, so I think we should go", not "do you want to go to the movies". More and more I am feeling like he gets to go "out" with her, and I end up being that one that he comes home to, that would be alone in the house otherwise. Another snowstorm, I am feeling like a shut-in, so this doesn't help. She's out in the truck with him the whole day out there, and he's never actually told me that they'd had these plans (she took 2 days off from work). For some reason that left me feeling like he is, again, hiding what is going on, and because that conversation gets left out, Mr "always honest" feels like a lie by omission. Its starting to feel like he's having some sanctioned affair, at times. Then when he mentions taking off to the folks cabin for a few days to escape the stress of the court crap, he starts talking about including her. NOT something I am comfortable with, can't imagine she wants to hash out sleeping arrangements just yet. We all drove together to a concert last weekend, and he kept saying before hand that it would be good if we were all in the car alone together, so we can talk, but then never brings up whatever it is he seems to think we should talk about.

I keep going back and forth, and really just want this all to stop, but I'm not completely sure just WHAT I want to stop, lol. Is it wrong for me to feel like its not fair if he talks about going to all sorts of places with her, that we never go to anymore, not in the years we've been living together, and not just because I can't anymore? Can't remember the last time he took me out to dinner. But he'll go out dancing with her as soon as they can get time. He says I get him around at home all the time, so that should be enough. Sure, the time we spend together, alone in the care driving to meetings, grabbing some Dunkin on the way, he says are "special moments". Sorry, I am just starting to feel like I am getting pushed into the background, as the "shut-in".
Is it unreasonable to want to be informed when he makes plans with her, before hand, not to find it out when I call him and hear her in the background?

I wish I could just stablize all of this emotion! I think I am having a really hard time letting go of the poor way that he handled it right from the beginning, and feeling completely run over by the whole thing. It always felt like it was much more about his "needs", than truly wanting someone else to "help me", as he keeps saying. He has had a tendency to "run people over", heading at his top speed, which is never healthy for anyone else in his path, lol. I do want to make this work, because I believe in the ideal, and I feel that it is fair to him to have someone that is not disabled to spend time with. I just keep feeling like something is going to blow up, and I really can't afford for it to be me again. I'm tired of feeling like my feelings in all of this really don't matter, because he's going to do it his way, all over again.

Sorry for the rant!
Thanks!
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