You might also find it helpful to think in terms of (I'm sure i read this on here, as opposed to making it up myself) what you can GIVE in this case, instead of what you can GET. Even though you wish you could "give" the kind of comfort that the other partner is providing, it seems like there is a fine line between that being for your benefit versus being for her benefit. No, not a fine line. A grey-area. What you need to do in the foreseeable short-term is think of it in terms of what SHE needs, not what you wish she needed and/or what she does need but not from you.
We agreed this could mean major changes, temporary, lng-term, or not. So, take it one day at a time. I hate to sound like a 12-step program because i think some of those steps are BS, but some of them are good, like this one.