Of course your part of the experience IS about you! I didn't mean to belittle that. But i think you know what i mean. This death in her family and the aftermath that follows is not something that is about your relationship.
I read something like "the key to successful poly relationships is realizing when something is not all about you". I think the Great Franklin Veaux posted that on one of his websites or blogs. While a lot of what he says is over-rated and um, cerebral-intellectual, this particular line has a lot of truth and usefulness in it. We get so wrapped up in our own "journey" that it can be challenging to think of ourselves as supporting roles in someone else's "journey".