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Old 03-19-2013, 03:10 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,877

A family member killed himself almost 20 years ago. It was utterly devastating not just to the immediate family but to my entire extended family. It is an experience that creates a before and an after. Her family is not the same. She is not the same. She will not return to exactly who she was before, nor will her family. BG has a point there.

I get that you miss what I call 'skin time' with her, sleeping, waking with each other. She may not be able to divide her skin time right now. Keep that in mind. I would tell her gently, and with no expectations, that you miss this with her. She should know that. Maybe not right this second or even next week. But do tell her at some point. Expecting her to be able to do anything about it soon may be too much for her right now. It's a difficult and fine line to tell a partner about wants and needs without also conveying expectations.

Perhaps you are not the person she sleeps with and wakes up with in this difficult time. That's hard. Your relationship with her may not include that dynamic in it right now. That does not make you a secondary relationship, although emotionally and physically I can totally see how it feels like that.

There is likely something else you can offer her, something unique to the dynamic you have between you. I have no idea what that may be. But think on it. You might find your own heart less burdened and your pain reduced if you can find a way to be helpful and loving to her. She's going to need both of you, there is no question of that. In some ways, it is a blessing that you three moved in together now. Both her loves are with her.
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