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Old 03-19-2013, 02:51 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 904
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I had to step away, so I missed quite a bit.

As far as my polyamory, Matt does not support it, understand it, or even like it for that matter. The only positives to that are he has not asked me to end my relationship, and he is still here and trying to work with me. The negative is that if we cannot see eye to eye and mutually agree to the necessary changes, he is walking away from our marriage.

Initially, I thought that was very selfish and wrong of him, but then I put myself in his shoes. If my needs were being ignored/overlooked/dismissed, would I really want to stay? Would I really want to have to keep compromising and sacrificing my happiness and my beliefs for the gain of another? Would I want to be miserable and resentful as opposed to happy and satisfied? Am I really okay with only getting tiny increments of the person I love just to say they are in my life? The answer to each was a resounding no. Matt was displaced, and that was of my own fault, complacency, and utter selfishness. He did what he was supposed to do in bringing things to my attention, and I made a daft error that has in essence cost me my marriage, his trust in me, and more importantly, our family. Matt reached a point where he could no longer handle being ignored and feeling like his say regarding our children was minimal and being vetoed by someone he viewed as not even being part of our family. After feeling that way, he felt like divorce was the only option.

I now understand why he lashed out the way he did and more of why he feels the way he does. What happens when you feel as though you do not belong? You leave, and that is the point that he is/was at. I had ignored him for so long due to my relationship with Si, and he was prepared to walk out of the door. In some instances, you cannot stop the person. His emotional needs were virtually cast aside. His views were dismissed as being silly or not taken seriously by me. I understand why he no longer feels that he can trust me. I understand why he only talks to me at best twice a week. I took my husband and the security and stability of our marriage for granted and let the other one take charge of my entire life.

I spent most of Sunday with our daughter. Children are more intelligent and sharper than we think. Upon talking to her, it was the start of a light bulb moment. She was telling me about how excited she was about learning new things, going to a new school, and making new friends. I cannot let my baby down and enable Si to get in the way of that. I am sorry that she feels like I am leaving her, but being a mother takes priority. I hope she can understand that. It is not about me, Matt, or even Si. As a mother, I only want to see my children go on and do great things. Out of the 20 schools we looked at, this one is the one she picked. We wanted her to feel like an important member in the decision making process, so we included her and asked her opinions. In the end, Matt and I listened to our daughter, relatives, friends, colleagues, all loved ones, and we decided what was best. I am not reneging on that because it would not be fair to my child.

LovingRadiance...that was all a tremendous help. I will have to go back and find the links from GalaGirl and read the information. When I walked away from this, it was to stop it from consuming my entire being and weighing me down. Somebody had to be the sane one, and Matt has calmed down, so his sanity is returning.

Matt and I actually talked earlier this morning. It had to be around 1-2 AM. I do my best thinking at the oddest times. I was shocked that he answered, but I was elated that he did. I miss my hubby, and as much as I hate to admit it, I need him around. It is just not the same. There is a void that has been present since he left on the 10th. I would love for him to come home, but it has to be on his terms and when he feels ready.

And Matt does care about my well being. He asked me if I had been sleeping enough, eating properly, and taking care of myself. I am now. Yoga, Pilates, and meditation are my daily habits now. All in all, I am doing better now than before. I am hanging in there, owning up to my mistakes, ready to compromise, gaining introspect, and willing to work with my hubby to correct the issues in our marriage.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.
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Last edited by FullofLove1052; 03-19-2013 at 03:52 PM.
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