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Old 03-19-2013, 01:12 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 483

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I consider her being in my bed to be a bit of both; sex and comfort. What I currently miss and am feeling left out about is her company, sharing the intimacy of sleeping together (sleeping). To your point about "pressure to have sex", since she has been with CV so long I get the impression that their sex life is good but infrequent. This is just what she tells me, I don't have any solid intel on this and am not putting a glass to their door to find out more. Honestly their sex life is none of my business and isn't something that I find myself concerned about. I suppose it would make sense for her to associate sex with my bed, and due to lack of interest because of her grief she might want to avoid it altogether. This isn't something I'd considered.
every person is different, but I shut down sexually when I'm hurt or depressed. And there have been times when all I wanted was a hug, but I did not ask for it, because I was afraid my partner would think I was available for something more.

Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
I can't relate to the grieving process personally, I have been fortunate enough to not lose anyone who really impacted my life. After talking to her last night I realize that I am not giving credit to the depth of how much this hurts her and how long it might take.

As far as her emotional attentiveness to me, she is welcoming me with open arms. She is expressive and inclusive with her feelings, which I am so very glad for (even though it's all bad stuff right now). She hands out hugs, touches, and kisses like it's Giftmas, so no she is not shutting me out in that regard.
Yes, maybe this is going to take more patience than you thought it would. And it is exactly this why living with someone is a challenge - like you said in your first post, when you don't live together, there's so much you don't know and don't have to deal with!
Right now, just being there, loving, someone for her to talk to, seems like a great gift. Even it means you have to miss out on certain aspects of your relationship for now.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF
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