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Old 03-19-2013, 12:58 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,378

Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
Does it mean sex? Does it mean sleeping in the same bed?

Is she having sex with C every single time she sleeps in his bed?

It could be she's not feeling like sex - grief can do that to a person - and that she feels pressured to have sex with you when sleeping in your room. Maybe she doesn't feel as pressured about this when sharing a bed with C. ?

It doesn't sound ike she's emotionally shutting you out. Good luck with the talk.
I consider her being in my bed to be a bit of both; sex and comfort. What I currently miss and am feeling left out about is her company, sharing the intimacy of sleeping together (sleeping). To your point about "pressure to have sex", since she has been with CV so long I get the impression that their sex life is good but infrequent. This is just what she tells me, I don't have any solid intel on this and am not putting a glass to their door to find out more. Honestly their sex life is none of my business and isn't something that I find myself concerned about. I suppose it would make sense for her to associate sex with my bed, and due to lack of interest because of her grief she might want to avoid it altogether. This isn't something I'd considered.

I am much less likely to have this talk with her after last night. She's still upset about the death due to the fact that family drama still surrounds it and it continuing to hurt her. Since one of my primary concerns is not putting pressure on her grieving, getting into what I want from her is not really important at this juncture. For now I am just going to show her affection and try to be empathetic.

I can't relate to the grieving process personally, I have been fortunate enough to not lose anyone who really impacted my life. After talking to her last night I realize that I am not giving credit to the depth of how much this hurts her and how long it might take.

As far as her emotional attentiveness to me, she is welcoming me with open arms. She is expressive and inclusive with her feelings, which I am so very glad for (even though it's all bad stuff right now). She hands out hugs, touches, and kisses like it's Giftmas, so no she is not shutting me out in that regard.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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