Originally Posted by Matt
.....Though, we're not on the best of terms, I care about her overall well-being, and I do still want her to be happy.
I don't see where you want her to be happy...unless it's on your terms. Just as you have accused her and her gf of wanting things to be on their terms so they could be happy.
I see a lot of dynamics that happen when a couple divorces and another partner has come into the picture for one of them....except in this situation the other partner was there before the divorce. You wife loves her partner. You were ok with this for quite some time as far as you let your wife know. Is she supposed to just forget about her since you don't like her? Are your children supposed to drop any attachment to the gf because you're uncomfortable with her?
When I married my second husband, my first husband (with whom I had children) didn't get to choose who it was. We had certain "rules" that were followed in both homes, e.g. no drugs in the home and no alcohol abuse in the home. My religious beliefs had changed from those of my first husband, and I left Christianity and followed more of a pagan based belief system. Initially my ex didn't want our children exposed to "such beliefs and practices." Through divorce mediation, I agreed to him being able to take our children to his Christian church every Sunday, and I was allowed to expose our children to my spiritual beliefs.
I allowed certain music/musicians in my home that weren't allowed in their dad's home because his second wife was a fundamentalist Christian who felt some of the music was "satanic". NOT my belief system! I did tell my sons that those CDs were NEVER to be taken or played in their Dad's home, nor were they to ever throw it up in their dad and stp mom's face about what "mom" let them have. The CDs were to be left at my house for when they came and spent time with me, or left in their car.
My first husband and I eventually worked with a divorce mediator who started out by encouraging us to create a shared "vision" for our lives with our children as a divorced couple who would always "co-parent" to some degree for the remainder of our lives. To get over the hurt and anger and threats.....and accept the divorce as a "given" and focus on what we wanted for our children. This would get a bit messy when each of us had another partner enter our lives....but it helped to keep referring back to that vision we had agreed on.