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Old 03-19-2013, 03:41 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
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Originally Posted by Matt View Post
Once she figures it out, I may consider giving more than partial effort in therapy. If she can't answer why she cares, I don't agree with giving my all.
While I can't speak for your wife, I can tell you that I can't tell my husband "why" I love him. I just do.

Indeed, any time I've been able to list off a bunch of "reasons" I love someone, it's turned out to be things I loved about them, not actually indications that I love the person theirself.

That's not to say I can't list things I love about my husband, but none of them is the reason I love him.

Originally Posted by Matt View Post
My wife has not only put her girlfriend and their relationship ahead of me and our marriage, but I see where it's happening with our kids now. She's a good mother, but I see some of those same behaviours emerging.
Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she could also be putting (gasp) herself in front of you and your marriage. As she should. Polyamory is part of who she is. Her girlfriend reflects that. Her monogamous husband does not. If being with the girlfriend makes her happy, then doing things to keep the girlfriend in her life is part of putting herself first.

But even without that... she's said she puts the marriage before her kids. If she were putting the girlfriend before her marriage, then by extension, she's putting the girlfriend before the kids.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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