I believe the boundaries aspect of BDSM should apply and be respected. The dynamic isn't that of a D/S, but the hard and soft limits can definitely play a role. In essence that's what it was, but the respect started falling short. I didn't wait to bring that up. It was one that was addressed after the first few times. Albeit, subsequently ignored or "dismissed."
I don't think she's having a hard time differentiating between the two. I think at times she just doesn't care what the limits are because they aren't benefiting her or feel that they are there to limit her. She called herself selfish, and she has moments. Overall, she's not.
I was talking to my mum last night and we had a rather lengthy chat. She has never accepted my wife's girlfriend. Within minutes of meeting her, she pulled me to the side and she said, "You better watch her. I can't figure out what it is about her, but something is off." Mums are rarely wrong. I was never around her girlfriend for extended periods of time until last year, so I had never seen her do or say anything off.
She asked me if I was possibly picking up vibes that might help explain my sudden disdain with her. I've always been an accurate judge of character, and the more I think about it, the more I realise there is something I picked up on during the short time we dated. I couldn't pinpoint it, so I let that go. I thought it was just the newness of being with someone different and her having a different personality. It's deeper than that. She reminds me of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Even if it's not the full blown disorder, there are tendencies in play. She has a sense of entitlement. "I was in the delivery room and there during both pregnancies, so I deserve to be co-parent." "I don't want to move, so everything should stop until I decide I'm ready." I think another tendency is in motion. Narcissists sometimes use others to get what they want. Right now, she's using my wife's love for her as a way to get what she wants, which seems to be to make my wife reconsider what she's always wanted regarding the education of our kids. If she can get her to reconsider, that means there will be no moving, and they won't have to be in a LDR. Her empathy is not there. I remember one night my wife and I had both worked, and we were dead tired. She came by, and one would think that as a "co-parent" she'd at least ask if we needed any help with the kids or if there was anything she could do. Wrong. She just said, "Oh ok," proceeded to finish getting dressed, and went out to the clubs with her friends. There are all just opinions, but behaviours have a habit of becoming patterns and routine. So routine that they can often be missed because they become "normal" or "just how the person is."
I love to read non-fiction when I have time. These days I have plenty of time. I wouldn't mind being on full-time daddy duty, so my wife could take some time alone. I would strongly encourage her to do so. I'd imagine that she needs to regroup after all of this. Though, we're not on the best of terms, I care about her overall well-being, and I do still want her to be happy.
Last edited by Matt; 03-18-2013 at 10:53 PM.