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Old 03-18-2013, 10:02 PM
BSP83 BSP83 is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 20

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
First thing to understand: You don't "bring S into" your relationship. S and your wife have a relationship. You and your wife have a relationship. Now, you and S will have a relationship. Then there is a 4th relationship consisting of the three of you collectively. But there will always be a pairing between you and your wife, and S will never be in that pairing. Your WLM is contained within that pairing.
He, S, and I are all fully aware of this...that there are 4 separate relationships here. We aren't "bringing her into" our relationship, necessarily, but inviting her in. We are always in full communication with's not like she doesn't have a choice. As far as the WLF, it is again separate relationships that we are trying to figure out how to make work and integrate.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
How do you envision her role in your ideal triad? A WLM is fundamentally two people: one wife to lead, one husband to follow. That doesn't mean the arrangement can't be expanded to include more people, but it's unclear to me how you propose to do that, i.e. from what angle. Do you want her to become a second Domme to you? Or does your wife want her to become a second submissive?
We aren't sure yet how we are working it out, but P is submissive. I am dominant over him and him alone. I have no interest in that dynamic with S, and I don't think she has interest in that dynamic with me. She and I have started talking about how we can both dominate him...what that looks like, what the rules are, etc.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I'm also concerned about the terminology "bring S (our girlfriend) into the WLM side of things." You can't do that unless she wants to. You're welcome to explain the concept to her, show her how it works in your own marriage, and offer her the possibility to join in. But if she's not into that, then you and your wife have to respect that and let her do things her own way. Maybe that means things don't work out the way you imagine. You have to be accepting of that possibility.
Again, it is her choice. It always has been and always will be. She has known about that dynamic of our marriage for much longer than we have been dating. It was only recently that the idea was brought up to her to participate. She and I didn't have our first conversation about it until this last weekend, in fact, and it was mostly me asking her what (if any) role she wanted in this dynamic. We have a lot to do as far as working out our roles in the FLR (female-led relationship...I think it's better fitting for our situation) and the triad. But we are all committed to doing that. Should she decide she doesn't want anything to do with the FLR, it's completely her choice, and we won't love her less for it!
B-That's me! About to turn 30, mom to 3 brats, married to P for 11 years and dating S.

P-my husband

S-my/our girlfriend
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