GalaGirl... thanks very much for this. This is really good stuff.
I believe that you are absolutely right, she does feel that she has lost something. Some days are great and some days she gets "concerned". I am trying to sort out my reactions to it as well. I have learned the hard way that an annoyed response to this is totally counter productive ;-).
I have most certainly upped the ante with putting far more effort into our relationship and so has she... results have been great. The one absolute gift to a poly relationship is the deeper connection I now have with my spouse.
Thanks again everyone! This forum rocks.