I can definitely understand that. My kids always come first, and at the end of the day, I only want what's best for them and what will be in their best interest. I know that divorce is challenging and lengthy custody disputes aren't what's best for them. They're why I'm even trying to save this shipwreck of a marriage and considering trying to put the pieces together. If we didn't have kids, I'd be leaning towards cutting my losses and walking away.
I have put my time away from her to good use. I've limited contact with her. I'm beginning to understand why my beliefs are the way that they are. I'm learning what I can live with and what I can't. I've had a lot of time to myself. I'm working out how I want things to be. Some things can be compromised. Other things may require further discussion. The biggest thing I need is for my limits to be respected. I haven't suggested anything unreasonable like end the relationship and give up polyamory. Nothing even close. Even if she does stick to moving, at no point have I suggested that she give up her relationship. By them being separated, in her mind, it might as well be the same thing.
My wife has not only put her girlfriend and their relationship ahead of me and our marriage, but I see where it's happening with our kids now. She's a good mother, but I see some of those same behaviours emerging. Like I told her, if she's that concerned with her girlfriend, she can stay there, and we will move. She didn't like that suggestion. She agreed to proceed with the plans, but after talking to her girlfriend, she's right back to where we started. Her girlfriend knows we're in therapy and trying to work out issues, so it almost seems intentional that she's trying to screw up any progress. This is another reason why I don't consider her a co-parent. A real parent would put their child's best interests first and their wants second. With my wife, her girlfriends wants are seemingly the only thing that matters. Our daughter is looking forward to attending school, and she has her heart set on it. I won't let my wife, her relationship, or her girlfriend get in the way of her happiness. That's a hard limit that I won't compromise on.
The kids need to be a topic from this point on. Everything and anything we do will ultimately affect them. I think our therapist was trying to get to root of our problems, and slowly but surely, they're emerging. I can see how that's important because our marriage or any future relationship should ideally be healthy and set an example for them. I'm trying to be open minded and protect my heart at the same time.