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Old 03-18-2013, 04:54 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I remember feeling it when we had the kid. It is no longer just us. There we chose to tread -- into parenting. But it is no longer just us. Especially in those newborn days that were so rough -- ugh. I remember missing it being just us!
Yes, I've experienced this too! Sometimes, on the rougher parenting days when I get no time to myself, let alone with either of my Boys, I still feel it!

I love how your posts always make me think. This time my thoughts are mostly here:
We choose to Open -- so it's not any "betrayal" stuff to get through first.

You land right into
  • 4: Depression, Reflection, Loneliness.

And have to work on through the rest...
  • 5: Upward Turn
  • 6: Reconstruction and Working Through
  • 7: Acceptance & Hope

And it should be felt -- experience the change and note that it did indeed change. If you Open, you are no longer Closed in the way that you were across many layers of the math.
I find myself wondering how much of this process MC went through internally but did not express to me. He's an introvert and much more likely to process internally, as opposed to me who generally has to talk things to death with 3 or more people before I fully get through it.

I also wonder, though, if the effect was different for both of us because we did not go from "closed" to "open" in the most common sense. We were never fully closed, so while there were times where it was "just us" it was never by design, just circumstances. Nor are we fully "open" now. We are, I suppose, open to possibilities, but there would be a LOT of time taken and discussion before another sexual partner was added to MC's or my vertices in this relationship configuration. (TGIB's agreement is far more open, since he's 1) not responsible for raising our kids and 2) on his own in TX, while MC and I at least have each other here.)

Not that any of this is something you need to respond to! Just part of my external processing- was our Step 4 minimal/little bits here and there over time, and that's why I don't remember it? Or did we not go through it quite that way because our situation unfolded differently? I don't know, but interesting thoughts!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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