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Old 03-18-2013, 05:20 AM
dearosarum dearosarum is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 2
Default So much confusion

My current boyfriend (my primary, as well as my Dom; we're both into BDSM) and I started off as friends, moved to FWBs, and then finally, after a year of being FWBs, became boyfriend and girlfriend.

We were monogamous for three months, until I was diagnosed with diabetes, and could no longer play heavily, and so I let him play with our mutual friend, on the condition that it stayed non-sexual. After about three months, he decided that he wanted to have her as a slave, and since I knew I could never submit completely, I agreed to it.

I gradually grew more comfortable with the idea of him being sexual with her, and somehow, all three of us grew into a vee (with me being his primary, and her being his secondary), having regular threesomes and everything. It went well for several months, until she got really sick and all physical intimacy stopped. She is also bipolar and extremely unstable now that she is off her medication.

We were, at one point, talking about moving in together, but once I saw how erratically she could behave, I backed out. She is now living with him (very complicated scenario, but in a nutshell, she was evicted from her apartment and had nowhere else to go), and I'm still living at my place.

Even though he says nothing has changed for him, other than his roommate situation, I feel like she and I have now switched roles. I used to feel compersion for them, knowing that they were being intimate, but now I don't even want to see her. I have only been to his place twice since she moved in, and I used to visit several times a week. He still visits me as often as possible. I find I don't even like her as a friend anymore. Just seeing her makes me angry and upset.

I feel so stupid about the whole poly thing, because it was my idea to begin with. I think it may have been a phase for me, and I'm starting to come out of it now.

I still love him, but even that has changed: I don't feel nearly as much romantic love as I used to. It seems to have transitioned into platonic/familial love, at least on my side.

I don't know how to deal with this scenario: it seems like she's here to stay, at least for now, so I have to put up with her, because we do share the same circle of friends, but it's getting harder for me.

I've met someone at work I'm interested in, but, even though my primary would be fine with me dating this new guy, I highly doubt the new guy would understand. I think it would scare him off he knew my situation.

I don't feel like this is working for me anymore, yet I'm scared of being alone. I've never had much luck in relationships, and usually end up on my own for at least a year between boyfriends, and I'm afraid that'll happen again if I leave.

I don't even know what advice anybody could offer me. I just need to get it all off my chest in an environment where I'll be understood. I really don't want to hurt them, but I don't see how this could end without somebody getting hurt.
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